Monday, April 13, 2009
Keith Olbermann is awesome!
Keith Olbermann is without a doubt the captain of American morality and virtue. He, along with his boy sidekick Rachel Maddow are the righteous superheroes we have long craved. Along with President Obama, the dynamic duo are clearly the true heroes of the Captain Richard Phillips rescue. Thank you Keith and thank you boy wonder.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
If I had a million dollars.
Guidance counselors have it all wrong. As mentioned in the cinematic masterpiece, Office Space, one is supposed to know what they should do with their life by thinking about what they would do if they had $1 million. Well, if I had $1 million I would buy stuff. If I didn’t have $1 million dollars would I want my job title to be “Buyer of Stuff?” Maybe, but that’s not the point. The point is – we should not be figuring out what we would do with $1 million, we should be figuring out what we would do if we had absolutely zero responsibilities and were not accountable for anything.
Personally, living in the “true” lap of luxury would result in me playing video games and watching movies for most of the day. I would possibly stop to eat, at least whenever I got sick of hearing my stomach grumble. Stupid stomach. I would also cruise the internet for a girlfriend or maybe call “Live-links” and find a hot babe that wants to talk to me on a Friday night instead of going out with friends and having drinks purchased for her and ultimately going home with whatever guy purchased her the last drink of the evening.
That doesn’t sound much like a job though, maybe a “Second-Life” character, but not in the real world. What else would I do? I would adopt pets. Cats, Dogs, non-rabid wounded animals, and homeless people. I would take those pets to a farm and we would live happily ever after. Whatever that is though, I would not want to be paid to do it. That really only leaves one other option.
My last option is that I would drink. I would drink all kinds of booze and I would discover what the difference between a $20 bottle of something and a $100 bottle of something is. Blind taste tests would be how I would find these truths out. Does that mean I want to be a blind taste tester? No, but what else can I do as an alcoholic? I could be a Senator, but politics are lame. I could be a writer, which is very appealing, but I would want more. I would need to meet interesting people and find out what crazy things have happened to them, so I can steal their real life happenings and make them the happenings of my fictional characters. Where is the best place to meet people? The bar. All kinds of interesting people at the bar, so that should decide it. I would own a bar, talk to people (mostly girls), and I would write and drink, possibly all at the same time. I think that makes me a philosopher. There it is - my latest batch of business cards will read ‘Philosopher to the Stars.’ After all, meeting celebrities would be cool too.
Personally, living in the “true” lap of luxury would result in me playing video games and watching movies for most of the day. I would possibly stop to eat, at least whenever I got sick of hearing my stomach grumble. Stupid stomach. I would also cruise the internet for a girlfriend or maybe call “Live-links” and find a hot babe that wants to talk to me on a Friday night instead of going out with friends and having drinks purchased for her and ultimately going home with whatever guy purchased her the last drink of the evening.
That doesn’t sound much like a job though, maybe a “Second-Life” character, but not in the real world. What else would I do? I would adopt pets. Cats, Dogs, non-rabid wounded animals, and homeless people. I would take those pets to a farm and we would live happily ever after. Whatever that is though, I would not want to be paid to do it. That really only leaves one other option.
My last option is that I would drink. I would drink all kinds of booze and I would discover what the difference between a $20 bottle of something and a $100 bottle of something is. Blind taste tests would be how I would find these truths out. Does that mean I want to be a blind taste tester? No, but what else can I do as an alcoholic? I could be a Senator, but politics are lame. I could be a writer, which is very appealing, but I would want more. I would need to meet interesting people and find out what crazy things have happened to them, so I can steal their real life happenings and make them the happenings of my fictional characters. Where is the best place to meet people? The bar. All kinds of interesting people at the bar, so that should decide it. I would own a bar, talk to people (mostly girls), and I would write and drink, possibly all at the same time. I think that makes me a philosopher. There it is - my latest batch of business cards will read ‘Philosopher to the Stars.’ After all, meeting celebrities would be cool too.
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