Monday, April 13, 2009
Keith Olbermann is awesome!
Keith Olbermann is without a doubt the captain of American morality and virtue. He, along with his boy sidekick Rachel Maddow are the righteous superheroes we have long craved. Along with President Obama, the dynamic duo are clearly the true heroes of the Captain Richard Phillips rescue. Thank you Keith and thank you boy wonder.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
If I had a million dollars.
Guidance counselors have it all wrong. As mentioned in the cinematic masterpiece, Office Space, one is supposed to know what they should do with their life by thinking about what they would do if they had $1 million. Well, if I had $1 million I would buy stuff. If I didn’t have $1 million dollars would I want my job title to be “Buyer of Stuff?” Maybe, but that’s not the point. The point is – we should not be figuring out what we would do with $1 million, we should be figuring out what we would do if we had absolutely zero responsibilities and were not accountable for anything.
Personally, living in the “true” lap of luxury would result in me playing video games and watching movies for most of the day. I would possibly stop to eat, at least whenever I got sick of hearing my stomach grumble. Stupid stomach. I would also cruise the internet for a girlfriend or maybe call “Live-links” and find a hot babe that wants to talk to me on a Friday night instead of going out with friends and having drinks purchased for her and ultimately going home with whatever guy purchased her the last drink of the evening.
That doesn’t sound much like a job though, maybe a “Second-Life” character, but not in the real world. What else would I do? I would adopt pets. Cats, Dogs, non-rabid wounded animals, and homeless people. I would take those pets to a farm and we would live happily ever after. Whatever that is though, I would not want to be paid to do it. That really only leaves one other option.
My last option is that I would drink. I would drink all kinds of booze and I would discover what the difference between a $20 bottle of something and a $100 bottle of something is. Blind taste tests would be how I would find these truths out. Does that mean I want to be a blind taste tester? No, but what else can I do as an alcoholic? I could be a Senator, but politics are lame. I could be a writer, which is very appealing, but I would want more. I would need to meet interesting people and find out what crazy things have happened to them, so I can steal their real life happenings and make them the happenings of my fictional characters. Where is the best place to meet people? The bar. All kinds of interesting people at the bar, so that should decide it. I would own a bar, talk to people (mostly girls), and I would write and drink, possibly all at the same time. I think that makes me a philosopher. There it is - my latest batch of business cards will read ‘Philosopher to the Stars.’ After all, meeting celebrities would be cool too.
Personally, living in the “true” lap of luxury would result in me playing video games and watching movies for most of the day. I would possibly stop to eat, at least whenever I got sick of hearing my stomach grumble. Stupid stomach. I would also cruise the internet for a girlfriend or maybe call “Live-links” and find a hot babe that wants to talk to me on a Friday night instead of going out with friends and having drinks purchased for her and ultimately going home with whatever guy purchased her the last drink of the evening.
That doesn’t sound much like a job though, maybe a “Second-Life” character, but not in the real world. What else would I do? I would adopt pets. Cats, Dogs, non-rabid wounded animals, and homeless people. I would take those pets to a farm and we would live happily ever after. Whatever that is though, I would not want to be paid to do it. That really only leaves one other option.
My last option is that I would drink. I would drink all kinds of booze and I would discover what the difference between a $20 bottle of something and a $100 bottle of something is. Blind taste tests would be how I would find these truths out. Does that mean I want to be a blind taste tester? No, but what else can I do as an alcoholic? I could be a Senator, but politics are lame. I could be a writer, which is very appealing, but I would want more. I would need to meet interesting people and find out what crazy things have happened to them, so I can steal their real life happenings and make them the happenings of my fictional characters. Where is the best place to meet people? The bar. All kinds of interesting people at the bar, so that should decide it. I would own a bar, talk to people (mostly girls), and I would write and drink, possibly all at the same time. I think that makes me a philosopher. There it is - my latest batch of business cards will read ‘Philosopher to the Stars.’ After all, meeting celebrities would be cool too.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Advice from Darth to Luke
I love my father, but recently I have realized that he has failed me in a major way. To give a slight backstory, my family is not comprised of the most talkative beings. I cannot say that as a group we have had extremely important conversations with each other and for the most part have successfully avoided all potentially awkward discussions. I do not fault my parents for not having any "life lesson" type conversations with me. However, there is one talk that I wish my dad had with me and it should have happened when I was about 13 or 14 years old.
When I was at that young, impressionable age. I wish my dad told me about college and more importantly what I should look for in a school. Having graduated from undergrad and even grad school, I now realize that academics, being close to family and friends, and athletic affiliations should have absolutely zero bearing on where you go to school. In the years since I have ceased attending classes, I have been awakened to what is paramount in the selection of a secondary institution.
As I mentioned, it has nothing to do with academics or proximity to home. Being comfortable is out of the question as well. Frankly, no matter where you go, you will be uncomfortable until you meet some friend type people. There are two factors that are of the upmost importance. Weather and girls.
Unless you like the snow and cold - do not go to school in Minnesota. The Spring, Summer, and Fall are beautiful here, but the Winter detracts all positive aspects of the other three until Spring arrives. If I were to give advice to a son or perhaps my nephew when he is about to enter high school, I would tell him this. Go to high school, get straight A's, build up a resume of extra-curriculars and then get the hell out of Minnesota when it comes time to choose a college. Then when you have your "perfect" college application. Go to California and hopefully, get into USC. Not only will you have excellent weather year round, you will also have some of the best eye-candy in the continental U.S.
If the USC cheerleaders are any indication of the remaining female student body at USC, you will not be disappointed. Sure, you might miss your parents and friends, but you can work on having one or several of those fine student bodies keeping you company on those "cold" 60 degree nights in California. Besides, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring, and Summer breaks mean you will have plenty of time to spend with the family and friends. Plus, you can always move back after graduating.
When I was at that young, impressionable age. I wish my dad told me about college and more importantly what I should look for in a school. Having graduated from undergrad and even grad school, I now realize that academics, being close to family and friends, and athletic affiliations should have absolutely zero bearing on where you go to school. In the years since I have ceased attending classes, I have been awakened to what is paramount in the selection of a secondary institution.
As I mentioned, it has nothing to do with academics or proximity to home. Being comfortable is out of the question as well. Frankly, no matter where you go, you will be uncomfortable until you meet some friend type people. There are two factors that are of the upmost importance. Weather and girls.
Unless you like the snow and cold - do not go to school in Minnesota. The Spring, Summer, and Fall are beautiful here, but the Winter detracts all positive aspects of the other three until Spring arrives. If I were to give advice to a son or perhaps my nephew when he is about to enter high school, I would tell him this. Go to high school, get straight A's, build up a resume of extra-curriculars and then get the hell out of Minnesota when it comes time to choose a college. Then when you have your "perfect" college application. Go to California and hopefully, get into USC. Not only will you have excellent weather year round, you will also have some of the best eye-candy in the continental U.S.
If the USC cheerleaders are any indication of the remaining female student body at USC, you will not be disappointed. Sure, you might miss your parents and friends, but you can work on having one or several of those fine student bodies keeping you company on those "cold" 60 degree nights in California. Besides, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring, and Summer breaks mean you will have plenty of time to spend with the family and friends. Plus, you can always move back after graduating.
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